12 Steps to Freedom

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

________

As part of the psychiatry/neuroscience II module, we are required to attend an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. I went to one tonight about 10 minutes from where we live.

I was apprehensive about attending the meeting. I wasn't sure how to act and if I should introduce myself. "I'm Lindel and I'm not an alcoholic?" That didn't seem right. I didn't want to be perceived as judgmental. I didn't want them to think "Why is she here?."

As I walked into the building, I saw a room where a few people were gathering. Unsure if it was the right room, I stepped in and sat down. I then saw that everyone had the 12 Step Book with them and I was assured that I was in the right place. As I sat there waiting for the meeting to start, I was unsure of what to do. So, I started reading the 12 step book that was in the chair next to me, listening to the conversations around me, and contributing to them when I could (The extent of which was naming Simon as the third chipmunk of Alvin and the Chipmunks and remembering LaLa as one of the teletubbies.) Everyone was friendly and no one seemed upset that I was there. As I looked around, I was surprised at the amount and variety of people who were at the meeting. I had expected less than 10 people, and honestly, I had expected them to look...different. I'm not sure if I could have told you before this experience what I thought "an alcoholic" looked like, but I (ignorantly) expected them to be identifiable-- maybe a bit disheveled? looking like they've seen the harder side of life? I don't know. The people around me looked like people you would see in the grocery store, in church, at school. On other words...like ordinary people. I should have known better since I have a friend who is an alcoholic, but I guess I always thought that he/she wasn't your typical alcoholic. There were old, young, men, women, black, white, rich, poor....all different kinds of people.

The meeting started off with people around the room taking turns reading alternating paragraphs from chapter 11 of the 12 step book. This chapter/step is concerning prayer and meditation to gain the insight into God's will for you and how to accomplish His will. After the reading, people around the room would take turns giving their impression and thoughts of the 11th step. Some people spoke directly about how their thoughts on prayer and meditation. Others spoke about other issues tangentially related to Step 11. A lot of times, people spoke around their issue, never directly addressing it, which made it more difficult to understand.

Something that struck me was that no one directly spoke about their problems with alcoholism. Before anyone would make a statement, they would say "Hi, I'm ______ and I'm an alcoholic." However, none of them spoke directly about their problems with alcohol in the past, temptations they face in the present, or how they ended up in AA like I expected they would. It was a lot more focused on the individual step they were discussing for the night.

The meeting closed with recognizing people who's "anniversaries" of sobriety fell on today's date. There were two women -- one who had been sober for 1 year and one who had been sober for 5 years. The group then gathered in a circle, held hands, and recited the Lord's prayer.

This assignment really provided insight into who are alcoholics. By going to this meeting, I got the chance to see "the face" of alcoholism. It really can be anyone.

"17 Degrees Ain't Nothing"

I am part of the planning committee for Homelessness & Healthcare Week that is happening this week at Emory. Last night was our first event -- a documentary screening of "17 Degrees Ain't Nothing" followed by a discussion with the filmaker and formerly homeless individuals. The documentary is about a group of homeless individuals living in an abandoned warehouse in Atlanta.

There are so many misconceptions and stereotypes about homelessness, and when we asked the formerly homeless men what they wanted us to take from the discussion -- they said to approach every homeless individual with an open mind, without stereotyping them first.

There are so many different reasons why people become homeless. For example, when I asked Joe* how he had become homeless, he proceeded to tell the audience the incredibly moving story of his life leading to homelessness. Joe was a proud, productive entrepreneur. He had just launched his own business when he had a debilitating stroke. He unfortunately didn't have health insurance and his hospital bills cost him his life savings. At the time, Joe had been in a relationship with a women for 15 years. They had a son together. After Joe's stroke, his partner started becoming verbally and physically abusive. As his caregiver, she would neglect Joe. He couldn't go to the bathroom by himself, and she would just leave him. Joe struggled with this because he knew he was in a bad situation, but he didn't want to abandon his son. After several years of the abuse, Joe knew he couldn't live there anymore, and he decided to leave even if it meant becoming homeless. Joe didn't have anything and he didn't know anything about living on the streets -- there is no guidebook to being homeless. It can happen to anyone.

________________

Day 2

Today we had a lunch time discussion about mental illness in the homeless population. As an introduction to the issue of homelessness, the lecturer presented some video/audio clips of how homeless individuals are treated in our society. There was the video of the "bum hunter," a spoof of the crocodile hunter where a man would sneak up on homeless people, tie them down, and try and force them to fight each other. He was doing this to other HUMAN BEINGS. What has our society come to that people think this is ok? Another homeless man on NPR talked about how "Friday nights were the worst nights to be homeless" because drunk teenage boys would pee on him, beat him up, and treat him like trash.

It just really saddens me that people would treat other human beings as less than human. They might have made mistakes to end up homeless or maybe just landed in a really unfortunate situation like Joe, but they are still people who should be treated with compassion and respect.

*Name changed

Walking a Mile in Someone Else's Shoes

Today we pricked our fingers to find out our blood glucose levels. Then, we gave ourselves subcutaneous shots of saline (instead of insulin) to mimic what diabetic patients have to go through every day...multiple times a day.

The worse part is definitely pricking your finger. I now understand why patients don't want to do it that often. I had to prick my finger twice because I pulled the lancet away too quickly (because it hurt!). I think the automatic lancets are worse than just having a needle you can poke yourself with -- there is definitely an increased level of anxiety as you push that button. There is also anxiety as you wait for your readout. Will you be in normal range? I felt anxious about it and I don't even have diabetes (my fasting glucose was 84, so need to start worrying quite yet). The needle for the insulin shot, however, is so tiny that I barely felt it when injecting myself -- definitely not as bad as I expected. The nurse told us that even some of the really young kids can inject themselves by the time they leave the hospital after their training.

Just a small slice of what life is like as a diabetic...